Every day brings a new crisis or point of stress. Thursday we went to IHOP for breakfast, then to Sam’s to buy a mattress topper for her new bed. We sat in her trailer on the farm making lists of things she would need. She seemed excited and happy. She kept repeating how she thought she was going to love it there. I took her back home with some small boxes so she could begin packing kitchen stuff. I learned later that she discovered her electric service and phone were down. She spoke with her neighbor who assured her that it was not just her house but the whole neighborhood. When my husband stopped by after work to see why her computer wouldn’t turn on, he discovered it was unplugged, something she had done earlier but had forgotten.
Friday she called promptly at 8:00 a.m. wondering if I wanted to go to breakfast and then take the packed boxes to the trailer. I had to gently decline because I had a job to finish that I had not been able to do all week. I told her I’d pick her up later in the day and we would take her boxes then. It took all day to finish the job so we turned it into a dinner trip. When I got to her house she immediately told me about her terrible day. She had received a letter from her husband’s cardiologist announcing his new office facility. First it made her sad and then it made her mad. She called the doctor’s office to complain that they should be more sensitive and clean out their records before they send letters like that to widows. Her neighbors had called to check on her and when she started crying they immediately came over to comfort her. Thank God for good caring neighbors.
It is consistent with her nature to have been mad at the doctor for sending the letter, always assuming that things are done to her personally, and perhaps she was justified, but I think it has more to do with these profound changes in her that trigger her over reactions now. I think she is happy, relieved and excited about the move, but she is also anxious about the change coming and sad about leaving the house that she and her husband shared. She feels like she is losing control and she is fragile both mentally and emotionally. I can empathize with that.
I picked up dinner for three at Cracker Barrel and we ate in her trailer. She seemed small and wounded. The letter incident clearly had taken a large bite out of her. These kinds of things always seem to exacerbate her loss of cognition. She couldn’t grasp that it was Friday, that Monday would be a holiday. After dinner we opened the boxes to put her things away. Most of the stuff she packed will eventually have to be removed. Two potato peelers, cork screws, heavy bowls, a single shrimp fork. There is now a drawer filled with useless kitchen tools in her new trailer.
On the way home we talked about just packing things she will use. She said, “I’ll need to bring my plates.” I replied, “We already put your plates in the cabinet, don’t you remember?” She answered with that new response I am beginning to recognize. It’s an answer with a question mark. A slow, “Yes?”
Even though I absolutely know this move is the next best step, now I worry that she will struggle to adapt. I have gently warned her that there will be times when she is still alone there during the day, but based on seeing her confused eyes last night, as she tried to understand what day it was, I have a sinking feeling that this issue will be yet another ongoing daily crisis or point of stress to deal with.
So, I guess this is the new normal.
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