Mary was a dynamic woman who left an indelible outline around us, her family. I don’t think she ever really realized exactly what an intricate thread she wove into our family tapestry. We all have both collective and individual memories of Mary that we will keep alive in the retelling. I guess you could say she is now achieved legend status for us. Years from now, even two year old Judd will think of “Grandma shark bites” and feel an inexplicable warmth, I’m sure of that.
Mary and I had a unique relationship, more like mother and daughter than mother-in-law/daughter-in-law. We were often mistaken for mother/daughter. She always seemed to delight in that but she also made sure to clarify that she was glad I was her daughter-in-law because, in her words, “it would not be right for her daughter to be married to her son.” We were often told we looked alike and the running joke was that you know how it is, dogs and their owners start to look alike. We never seemed to resolve who was the owner and who was the...
One thing for sure, Mary respected me and believed in me. She was loyal to a fault to the ones she loved. She always had my back. Even when she didn’t understand me or believe me, she stepped up to make sure everyone paid attention to what I said and wanted everyone to listen and read my words. I’m telling you this because after I had time to regroup, I started thinking about how her last day unfolded and I really think Mary left us a message and I am the one she would have wanted to tell you.
Several weeks ago I had a conversation with Mary’s hospice nurse, Colleen. She said it had been her experience that the dying often seem to have a small measure of control over their last hours here on earth. She said she had witnessed it over and over. I think I understand what she was saying now because I believe that Mary got her call to come home early on Monday morning and she opted to stay for just a bit longer because she had some things she wanted to do. I’m not sure she had complete control because if she had her hair would have been nicely done and she’d have makeup on. Also she would have offered refreshments to her visitors, a bottle of Ensure, some pretzel crackers...
But I’m sure she was comforted by all the people who came to say goodbye during the day. Friends and family, folks came by ones, twos and threes. The next to last visitor was our friend Janet, who came after work. She sat with Mary, stroked her hands, told her she was beautiful and then she came over to us and thanked us for sharing Mary so that she and her husband David could have a “grandma.” At one point, as we were all talking, Holly noticed a tear trickle down Mary’s cheek. Was that just natural excess moisture coming from her eye? Was there some cognition remaining in that otherwise unresponsive body? I prefer to think it was a sad goodbye to her family and the life she was leaving.
After Janet left, I shooed out Ron to go get some sleep and I prepared to settle in for the night. A short time later I heard steps and the door opened and Hayes stood in the doorway looking somewhat sheepish. I knew he didn’t want to be there, I knew he had been avoiding it all day because it was too sad for him. Hayes was Mary’s first grand baby (actually great grand) after a long dry spell of not having a baby to love and dote on. She loved all her great grand kids equally but Hayes had the honor of being the first, so he always had a special place in her heart for the last seventeen years. I know Hayes felt the same about her.
We chatted quietly for a bit and then when there was nothing left to say, he got up and said goodnight and left. Then about three seconds later the door opened again and Hayes stood there with a pained look on his face. He asked, “Meema, do you think it would be weird if I hugged her?” I said, “Well folks have been hugging and kissing her all day.” So he did, he stepped over and bent down to kiss her cheek and then turned back to me and said, “Meema, something strange is happening to me. It’s like God is trying to tell me things and I can feel it more and more and it’s strong. When I left I heard, 'Go back' and I had to do it."
I replied, “Hayes, God is always talking to us, we just don’t always have our listening ears on, but this time you did and now you know how it feels to obey. Practice makes perfect.” He seemed to understand that and then left quietly.
I believe Mary’s spirit, already nearly released, hanging on by a gossamer thread, wanted one last shot at effecting some things. She was willing to linger just long enough to push the point, backing me up one last time. I’ve been saying to whomever will listen for the past two years we need to step up our faith factor, we need to listen, obey and then trust and we need to make this our habit not our occasional afterthought only when times are difficult. I think Mary left this as a final punctuation point for us as she was transitioning.
One last thing she did was to wait until after midnight to let go, even as I am sure Reggie was waiting, tapping his toe impatiently, “Murry? what are you doing now? Come on!”
But once midnight came it was a new day, and Ron’s 61st birthday. I think she wanted to give her son and only child one last gift, leaving painlessly in her sleep as he had prayed would happen.
So, maybe you don’t believe that we can have a bit of latitude as we are passing from this world to the next, but I tell you, I believe and I know that if anyone could do it, that would be Mary Fields.
Rest in peace, dear heart. We’ll see you on the other side.
Marietta Maxine Fields
11/26/24 - 10/20/09
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