Miles to Go and Promises to Keep

I had several strong rules of thumb that kept me successfully afloat through the hazardous, uncharted waters of child-rearing. The first was, “make your choices wisely because ultimately you will reap either the rewards or the consequences of your actions.” The second was sacrosanct, “I will keep all promises and all threats to you.”

The excruciating part for any parent, of course, is watching on the sidelines while a child is reaping consequences from bad choices or receiving punishment after ignoring a threat. As an advocate, a parent always wants what’s best for the child and certainly would prefer the child’s life to be angst and consequence free. But that is not real life and it is never in the best interest of the developing person to shield him/her from the result of poor choices, especially if he/she knew in advance what the options were.

My old parenting skills, now long retired, are beginning to re-surface and I keep wanting to drag them out and dust them off when Mary behaves like a child. This is a daily struggle for me now. I go to sleep every night talking myself down. I tell myself that, though she acts like a child, she is not a child and the point of correcting a child is in the hope of teaching and guiding the child toward a happy, responsible, successful adult life. She is not advancing, she is retreating, unlearning and regressing. There is no hope and thus no point.

Nevertheless, dealing with her behavior can be as exasperating as dealing with a headstrong, determined toddler. Unfortunately, there is one big difference though, not counting the hopelessness factor. Unlike a toddler who simply wants what she wants, she also expects to continue being respected as an adult even as she is acting out like a little girl. This is the part that wears me out. I have to rise above this conflict everyday. I cannot help but feel that, regardless of her condition, she is still accountable on some level, at this stage, for her attitude and I cannot fix it or change it but neither can I put her in time out for it. So, instead, I let her own it and be miserable if that is how she prefers to be. Amazingly, when I give up trying to meet her ever increasing expectations, she does back down. There is definitely a cause and effect in this response which points to at least a glimmer of cognitive thought processing. Or perhaps, like a child, she is just afraid of the unknown and what might happen if she pushes too far.

It is what it is. Raising kids was hard too. There were times when exhaustion, exasperation and stress washed over me at night before I fell into the relief of unconsciousness. But still, I kept the promise I made to see it through and I will again.

The course is set

Life's hard but yet

We will walk on

Around each bend, until the end

We will walk on

We chose to take this road called faith

We will walk on

We trust that You will lead us through

We will walk on

(Walk On by 4Him)